DIWATA-1 Detects High Levels of Bullshit Nationwide, Scientists Alarmed

Diwata 1 Microsatellite
Philippine bullshit levels

The data sent back by Diwata-1 Microsatellite shows the alarming levels of bullshit currently plaguing farmers, fishermen and majority of the Philippine population.

Quezon City – One month after its launch into the International Space Station, the first Philippine microsatellite known as Diwata-1 is finally deployed into orbit and the data it has captured so far show an alarming level of bullshit all over the country.

“What is even more terrifying is the rate in which this phenomenon is increasing by the day,” says the National Disaster Risk and Reduction Management Council (NDRRMC) Chairman Voltaire Gazmin. “The data suggest that this is caused by the nationwide springing of empty promises and toxic jingles from wannabe politicians.” The council is preparing the local government branches for the worst possible outcome of the situation.

The public is encouraged to be extra vigilant and skeptical of the copious amounts of bullshit spewed by both local and national candidates. “It is only through collective efforts that we can minimize the damage that this bullshit season does to our country,” comments one of the microsatellite engineers.

The NDRRMC vows to continue monitoring the situation with the assistance of PAGASA.