Aide Promises 100% Error-Free Duterte

Davao City – After announcing that the President-elect will no longer hold press conferences, long-time Duterte aide Bong Go told reporters Friday evening, June 3, that this ingenious move will cut the preposterous actions and words from the President himself by 100%.

“If the press don’t ask blunt questions or wear sexy outfits during press briefings, the President will not have a hard time focusing on being presidential,” said Go.

The President-elect will now channel all his press releases and interviews through state-owned PTV4.

Duterte has been drawing massive criticisms lately due to several consecutive disasters in press conferences, particularly blaming assassinated journalists for being corrupt and for catcalling a reporter.