New Drug Matrix Reveals UN Secretary General Involvement

President Duterte and Ban Ki-moon

Manila – President Duterte’s new and more comprehensive drug matrix has exposed the involvement of current UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon of South Korea. Presidential Spokesperson Ernesto Abella revealed the connection at the conclusion of the ASEAN summit.

“It has surprised us genuinely to find out that Mr. Ban is involved in the illegal drug trade in the Philippines,” said Abella. “However, right at that moment, it all made sense to us. He is one of the most vocal critics of the beloved President’s war on drugs so we understood right away the reason.”

Malacañang has yet to release the official soft copy of the drug matrix in Powerpoint format while they are trying to finalize the overall theme.